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User blog:Dorkpool/Creepypasta Riffs: Dead Bionicle
I love BIONICLE. If you've been following this blog, you'd know that, but if you haven't, well, I'm a fan of BIONICLE. I love the story and I love the sets. Hell, I even like the reboot. Yes, me, Mr. "I hate reboots", likes a reboot. Now, what does this have to do with today's Riff, you might be wondering. Well, today's Riff is about BIONICLE. Well, actually, the game BIONICLE Heroes, for GameCube, no less. What's funny is that I have that game for GameCube, and have played it. It's a lot of fun, though it completely ignores the story. (Seriously, why are Roodaka, Krekka, Nidhiki, Sidorak, Bohrok, and Vahki on Voya Nui? And why is Axonn a bad guy? And why does Roodaka have a male voice, even though she's obviously female?) Anyway, enough about my grievances with BIONICLE Heroes, it's time for a Riff. (Note: There are a LOT of BIONICLE jokes here, so if you don't know much about it, you might have a problem.) Before This Happened "I was an innocent child" On June 27th 2004 i got a gamecube and a couple games for it. Whoopty shit. One Of them was Bionicle Heros It took me 10 days to complete it. I personally prefer BIONICLE Heroes to Bionicle Heros. That’s just me though. But I did. I stopped Playing it after a year. 3 years later i tried to play it again because i wanted to beat it again but all it says is the typical Gamecube "Could Not Read Disc" Message. Wamp wamp wamp. So I went To Gamestop and i went through used games it took me a while to find it. but i found it at some point. “I also found the original BIONICLE game, but wisely decided against buying it.” My mom bought it And I Went straight to my gamecube when i got home. “I had to use the bathroom, but my GameCube is more important.” The Beginning Of A Nightmare No, the nightmare began when I started reading this story. So I Put the disc in there i didn't even look at the disc...I wish i did. That’s what you get for being a dumbass. So It started Up Normally But instead Of the typical gamecube blueish purple. Instead…what? it was red Not blood red but just red. Oh. I Ingnored It And Continued. Haven’t you read any gaming Creepypastas? If there’s a minor glitch, it means you’re going to die or go insane. I though to myself "Its Problably Just A Graphic error I mean i havent played this in 2 years so of course it will have graphic errors" I haven’t played my GameCube in a while, but I’m pretty sure that doesn’t happen. And I continued The Menu screen for it was normal And lo, the menu screen was normal. And in the save file, the was the holiest of games: BIONICLE Heroes. There was a save file already on there. Well of course there would be. Of course there is. I wanted to start a new game but when i Pressed A it did nothing. I think your controller is broken, genius. So i went to the save file It Was 100% done So i started it. Screw new games, you just want to pick off from the end! The Loading Screen Was As Usual.And it started up in the final level of the game I was jaller i coulden't pick anyone else. And you had the dreaded Inika build! Oh no! and there was no masks. Well, no normal masks. Just those weird rubbery ones. And I Had All The Upgrades So I could beat him easy. But Vezon Or Fenrakk wasen't there. Well, of course not. Vezon is with Helryx, Lewa, and that Great Being who makes things come to life. It was all silent to no music. not even the boss music. Turn up the volume, dumbass. There was no mask of life either. I think it’s on Bara Magna. I moved around a little bit not knowing what to do. thats when i heard my door creaking. Because nothing’s creepier than a door creaking. i looked behind me and it was closed. I looked back and jaller was at half a heart now. I said to myself "What attacked me?" I looked around and saw nothing. Slender Man is trolling people again. Then. And then, plot. It happened “I heard about the BIONICLE relaunch.” A Weird Bionicle i never saw in a bionicle game it had the head of vezon but the body of jaller. Ugh. MOCs. and it was all black and red eyes. Correction: a MOC with custom pieces. It insta-killed Insta-killing is a thing, apparently my character.Thats when i knew something was wrong. Yep, not when the MOC from hell showed up, but when it “insta-kills” you. So i shut the game off i noticed it was 12:30 And i though "Oh S*** I Have To Go Bed! My Mom Is Gonna Kill Me" You think in asterisks? No, wait, you though in asterisks. So I Went to bed And I had this weird dream. I think you mean “wet dream.” I was Inside Of The Game. You have some weird wet dreams. Visoraks All Around me And All of them lunged at me. And i woke up. That’s what you get for carrying the Heart of the Visorak around with you. Starting it up again Let’s do the dumbass agaaaaaain… As a Creepypasta Fan "and someone who is illiterate I Am When i Woke Up I Went Straight To The Gamecube And turned it on. Ok, a Creepypasta fan would think, “Gee, there’s an MOC from hell that killed me in game, and possibly caused a weird nightmare. I should burn my GameCube.” You, sir, are not a Creepypasta fan. You’re that moron in a horror movie who immediately gets killed. It Wouldent start. Maybe it’s a hint that you shouldn’t play the game again. I Tried Again But Nope. Ok, at this point, I have no sympathy for you. If you die, the gene pool is that much cleaner. And Finally i started it one more time and instead of the blocks making a gamecube G It went straight to the Bionicles Menu. I see no problem with this. Loading screens and title credits are annoying. This Time It Wasn't Normal It Didn't Say Bionicle heros. It Said Bionicle Just Bionicle Oh no, you’ve got the original BIONICLE game! Run for your lives! Load game was gone. every option except new game was gone. “So, naturally, I picked new game and immediately died. The end.” Wait… I tryed new game but no avail. Maybe you should have tried it instead. i tried it again and it Immediately went to the game No loading. Dude, this glitch seems kind of cool. No loading screen, no pre-game credits. I see no problem with this. I Was In another boss fight this time it was Vezok. Vezok was there. Really? I had no idea. I Was Vezon Though And That is weird sence this is a new game. It could be a secret prequel level. Vezon and Vezok don’t get along, and have tried killing each other. And Vezok wasn't trying to kill me or anything. Ok, that’s weird. When I pressed A it Showed A Cutscene Of Vezok getting crushed by a big rock. He Was Apparently Dead. No, he and the rest of the Piraka with the exception of Zaktan are thrown into a vat of energized protodermis, and end up creating some golden being. So I Tryed To Grab His Mask But When I Did Vezon Immediately Died. Well, Vezon doesn’t wear a mask. Toa and Makuta do. The Game Showed Jaller Apparently Dead Back In The Final Level. No, Matoro is the one who dies. Seriously, does this guy know anything about BIONICLE? Jaller Spoke "Help Me... I’m in a crappy Creepypasta." And Then It Went Back to the game. I Was Vezok this time I Was In A Graveyard. There are no graveyards in BIONICLE. There’s just a red star. I Never Saw That Level In The Normal Game. BONUS LEVEL UNLOCKED I Paused It And I Went To My Computer And Played On It For 2 Hours. But, naturally, you didn’t Google what was wrong with the game, if anyone had any problems like this, etc. The Nightmare Continues Yes, the story is continuing. I Went Back to my gamecube and i unpaused it. You’re going to die and I will feel absolutely no pity for you. I noticed the graveyard was very long. You know what else is long? The scene in Star Trek: The Motion Picture where the Enterprise is in spacedock, and Kirk and Scotty are looking at it. What? Did you think I was going to make a dick joke? Please. I have some decency. And I Walked Vezok Through It. AND I WILL WALK FIVE HUNDRED KIOS JUST TO BE THE PIRAKA WHO WALKED FIVE HUNDRED KIOS! It Kept Popping Up Jaller, And Vezok Dead And i Finnaly Got the the end. The story’s over? Finally. Vezon's Theme Played And A Boss Fight Started. Damn it. Jaller And Vezok Showed Up. And They Both Killed Vezok. So Jaller and Vezok kill Vezok? Ugh. Once alternate timelines were introduced, BIONICLE got really confusing. Vezon Spoke "You Shoulden't of Killed Us". I feel like Vezon would make some funny comment, actually. I personally consider Vezon the Deadpool of BIONICLE. The Phone Rang I picked it up sence my mom told me to. She did? When? A Omnious Voice Spoke. Omnious? Is he some new Great Being? Just Like Vezon's Voice "You Shoulden't Of Killed Us" I never thought of Vezon as having an ominous voice. Or an Omnious one, for that matter. Then I heard A Knock at my door OH, I’M KNOCK KNOCK KNOCKING ON DUMBASS’S DOOR! i looked out the window. Out of the corner of your eye, you saw him. Shia LeBouf. Ok, I need to stop with the Shia LeBouf jokes. and there they were Vezon,And jaller were there. Vezon’s adventures through the multiverse continue! Vezok was near them....Dead and his limbs were dismembered The sets of the later years broke very easily, so I’m not surprised. I shut off the gamecube and looked at the disc It didnt look anything like the normal disc You should have checked the disk before, dumbass. It Showed All The Bionicles (Excluding The Bosses) Dead. So they were all on the Red Star? I Burned The Disc And When I Burned It The Flame Went Out And The Smoke Created A Skull. '' Is this foreshadowing the Skull Spiders?'' Yet The Disc Was Burned. I Looked out my window and jaller,vezok,and vezon were gone. Because beings who can control fire, replicate the powers of those who attack them, and are just insane will totally leave when you burn a disk. I Will Never Look At Bionicle Heros The Same Way Again But what about BIONICLE Heroes? Epilougue Finally, it’s almost over. My Mom Got A Disc Cleaner And Fixed My Old Bionicle Heros Game After It Was Done. And, naturally, you played it. Seriously, how are you not dead yet? I got my courage up and i started my gamecube The GameCube Screen was normal it Went to the menu normally. The screen was normal i went to load games and sadly my save files were corrupted and they deleted themselfs. I hate it when game files delete themselfs. At least they didn’t delete themselves. I started a new game and i played the game normally. But 2 things bugs me. Just two? What was that thing at the start of the... "Game"? Is it a game? Is it a glitch? YOU DECIDE. And Why is there a fourth bonus level that looks exactly like the graveyard In My Old Game Now? Because the plot demands it. I Guess I will Never Know Because I Don't Dare Go Back to that graveyard I guess you did learn something. May 17th 11:48 AM 2014 Second Epilouge Damn it, just end already! I started Back up the game and got my courage to unlock the graveyard And you immediately died, right? Right? ...And I did It Automaticly Unlocked after i beat vezon and Fennrakk I went to it. Because…plot. It was excactly Just like the graveyard but no signs of vezok,jaller,or vezon dead. Because they’re all on the Red Star. When i got to the end It Transported Me To What appeared To Be A Arena Where you fight the enemys that you unlock By Doing Certain Things. Glatorian: The Early Years. Then Another Boss fight started It Was Vezok I easily Destroyed Him Same With Jaller To. Um, Vezok is not someone you “easily destroy.” Then the final one was Vezon And I Was Also Playing as Vezon. But The Enemy Vezon Didn't Have Fennrakk With him. What about Kardas? It Then Went To A Cutscene. Try skipping it, so that this story ends. Of The Two Vezons Fighting Disembering Each other Limb By Limb. I feel like doing something similar to the writer of this story. They Both Died And My Game Shut off by itself. Because games can do that. I Turned it Back On And The Game Played like normal i still had my save files and all my characters and upgrades And The fourth bonus level wasn't there anymore. And you decided that you should write about your experiences in a crappy Creepypasta. Next time, keep it yourself. So, that's the Riff. To be honest, this story is garbage. Just...garbage. It's why I seemed a tad bit angry at the writer/narrator during the story. Also, it's just a dumb idea. If you were going to do a BIONICLE Creepypasta based on a game, do it on The Legend of Mata Nui, the BIONICLE GAME THAT WASN'T RELEASED. Yeah, an actual "lost game" based on BIONICLE. Hell, I planned to do a pasta based on that at one point, but decided against it because I had no good ideas for it. And an interesting thing I found: apparently the writer of that piece of crap knew it sucks. So at least he's not a total moron. But yeah, this story is garbage. I mentioned in a post a few days ago that there were stories worse than "Jeff the Killer." Well, this one is a prime example. (Note: I wasn't talking about this story specifically. I just looked for bad Creepypasta stories, found one that said "BIONCILE", and thought, "I must have been a good little Dorkpool, because Christmas has come early this year." Then I read it and realized that I was wrong about it being a Christmas present.) Anyway, what do you think? Do you think I was funny? Do think I was harsh? Do you wish I would end up on the Red Star? Leave your comments below.